May
29
2018
A Smattering of Mattering
“It seems sometimes that all people see are the grades.” That’s what a young client said to me one Friday afternoon. I was struck by the gravity of that statement and his recognition of being overlooked as a person. In short, he didn’t feel he mattered.
How much does the idea of “mattering” affect all of us every day? Here are some daily examples of times we may feel we don’t matter:
- Cut off by other another driver
- Someone reads a new text instead of listening to you
- No “likes” to your Facebook post
- Someone leaves you “read” on Snapchat
- A child ignores or disobeys you
- No one checks on you when you call in sick
- You are told about a decision, rather than asked
How do you feel and react when you feel marginalized, irrelevant–like you don’t matter? How do these small interactions affect our confidence, our self-esteem, our relationships? Typical immediate reactions are anger or sadness. Reactions to chronic marginalization are much more extreme.
How many “bad” behaviors are the result of people desperately trying to matter?
How often do our responses to those same behaviors tell them they don’t?
Someone once defined counseling as “doing something that helps people see they matter.” While that may be true, it is also something we can all do. Imagine the impact we could have on someone’s day (and ours) if we did something that showed they mattered.
Here a few easy ways to show people they matter.
1. Be Present in a Conversation
2. Speak Your Appreciation
3. Focus on the Positive
4. Make Eye Contact
5. Say “Thank You”
6. Keep Your Promises
“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” – Goethe
