Making Contact

“As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.” — Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.

What really keeps us from opening up and sharing our fears, insecurities and past hurts?

Certainly pace of life plays a role among the social media, smartphone notifications, emails, phone calls, children, and work. But I believe it’s more than that. I believe that ultimately the problem is fear—fear of rejection, fear of judgment, fear of not being good enough, fear of looking weak, fear of burdening another, fear of disappointing someone, fear of being vulnerable.

These fears are signficant because they strike at our core beliefs about ourselves. They force us to face the harshness of our past and uncertainties of our future. They make us feel fragile and delicate.

Here’s the kicker: This fear often begins with the things we won’t even admit to ourselves.

Someone once told me, “Whatever you are not willing to do, that’s what is holding you back.”

The first step is being honest with ourselves, admitting there is something that needs to be addressed. That is hard to do because it is generally painful. However, we often overlook the cost unresolved issues cause us everyday in our behaviors, reactions and attitudes.

Take some time to consider what may be holding you back, what may be interfering in your relationships, what is causing your anxieties. It will be hard at first, but this isn’t a sprint. Take it slow, one thought or glance at a time.

It is impossible to address something until you are able to first acknowledge it. Once you do, it will change everything.