Aug
13
2017
Words Matter
What do you say to yourself? We often say things to ourselves we would never say to anyone else. We can be downright mean. As I meet with clients, I hear comments like:
“I’m not a good person.”
“I’m ugly.”
“I’m no good at_____”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I can’t get ahead in life.”
Many of these comments are patently false or overstated. Maybe not to the extent we would like, but it highlights the impact of negative self-talk.
People who tell themselves they’re “no good at something” are usually prophetic.
- If you repeat it enough, you’ll begin to believe it.
- If you believe it, your attitude, actions and behavior will begin to support it.
What to do:
- Awareness: Start listening to what you’re saying to yourself. You likely don’t realize what you say and how often you say it.
- Stop using the word “I” when talking to yourself. Research has found that when people refer to themselves in the third-person, such as “Bob” or “You,” they were more likely to be more supportive, give themselves advice and encouraging comments. It creates distance between the comment and yourself, allowing you to be more objective. More akin to talking to a friend. “I” comments tend to be more harsh.
- Challenge irrational thinking and assumptions — ask yourself:
- What is my evidence for and against this thinking?
- Are these thoughts factual, or are they just interpretations?
- Am I jumping to negative conclusions?
- Keep things in perspective — ask yourself:
- Is this situation as bad as I am making it out to be?
- What is most likely to happen?
- Will this matter in five years?
When people feel anxious, depressed or stressed-out, self-talk is likely to become extreme. They will be more likely to expect the worst and focus on the most negative aspects of your situation.
A little awareness and a few better-chosen words can make a huge difference in our lives.
